Beach Bound

As I head for the beach this next week, I have two goals in mind. First to catch up on some much needed sleep. Second to get my mind clear and realize who's voice I should be listening to. As I was listening to this song, I realized that some of my problem right now is that I am listening to thoughts inside my own head. These thoughts have not been good ones. I know some of it has to do with me not getting enough sleep. When you don't sleep, your mind can get the best of you. I know others struggle with themselves, their personality, their make-up, why God makes us the way he does. Last night Joey said something very casually to me at dinner "just don't say anything, let them make the decisions" I began to cry (crazy, I know) I told him I wasn't making the decision I just told my sister I couldn't leave for the beach until after church. I am so struggling with who I am. I was reading a book on the life of C.S. Lewis his stepson wrote it, he said that Mr. Lewis once commented that people don't know how to be friends anymore. That people think that if you speak your peace and it is different than theirs then you can't be friends. He had a couple of friends that he argued with regularly, didn't see eye to eye on hardly anything, but still regarded them as friend. I guess this is my struggle, in the last week I have heard from friends and family alike, "you know how you are, you like to take charge of things", "I wouldn't say no to you I am afraid of you", " you just need to keep your D---- mouth shut and let me handle it"," you need to just not worry about it, its not your problem", you know you and her look alike she has gained weight too". So you see everyday somebody new has said one of these things to me, and last night when poor Joey said that to me, I lost it, mainly because I am so tired from not sleeping. I know God made me a smart, organized, intuitive, pure hearted, honest, hardworking, unselfish, caring person. I have just been listening to all these people in my head and not listening to the words of truth, like the song says. Take heart all you who struggle like me, whether people understand us , God made us and loves us and we need to except ourselves...