Its amazing

It is amazing what a good cry and 6 hrs of sleep will do for a girl.  I realized yesterday that I have not really cried since my mom died. My sister told me at funeral you have to be in charge, I can't do it, then you have to be strong for your friend as they lose a grandchild, then you for sure can't get to tore up when you daughter gets married and leaves for the first time in 26 years. Because if you cry at the wedding, you probably won't be able to stop. Then the feeling goes away for a time.  But live on no sleep for a month or two and those feeling show up fast.  I was suppose to teach Ladies small group Wednesday night. We mainly were going to be praying for a church that night with a little discussion on our first video of the series.  But to be honest, I just couldn't talk to anyone or pray for anything.
My mind was totally spent.  I called a friend of mine and she led the group, I went home, took a shower, put on PJs and laid on the sofa and pretty much cried when anyone spoke to me.  I think Joey panicked a little, he started cleaning out the dishwasher (he gets helpful around the house when he doesn't know what to do with me)  I realized that while I'm not depressed, I am sad.
I understand all the changes that have happened over the last 6 months, and to tell you the truth I love change but just not all at one time.  Diane was worried about me after I called and asked her to lead the group but I told her today, while I might be a little depressed, I am totally not without hope.  I really know that I am just sad and physically tired.  That there are many people in this big ole world that have alot worse things going on in their lives, there are many who have lost not only one parent but two, lost jobs, lost spouses, lost children, lost homes, and lost their minds.  I know that we all have to just deal with life sometimes and it is not pleasant but we deal.  I told my family that I am not losing my mind it is just a little confused lately from lack of sleep but I hope to see light at end of tunnel soon.  A fellow I saw yesterday told me alittle trick and it worked last night.  I have no problem usually going to sleep, the problem is staying asleep. He said instead of taking the melatoin at bedtime, wait till I wake up in middle of night and take it and within 30 min. I will be back asleep.
That worked for me last night. So Praise the Lord for the 6 hrs of hard sleeping.  I woke up singing the "King is Coming" don't know where that came from considering 24 hrs ago I didn't even want to pray. I do really know where it came from, prayers of others.  I told my friend Katie yesterday when she stopped by the office, Life sucks sometimes, but we have to work it through, we have to see where the Lord is leading us and its OK to think that it is hard sometimes. I wrote this yesterday in my Bible Study book, Romans 8:9 But I (Tracy) am not controlled by my sinful nature. I(Tracy) am
controlled by the Holy Spirit as he is living in me. The holy spirit has got to do alot of work...