Have you ever been so mentally and physically tired but can not seem to rest. Yesterday was a very stressful day of the many I have had lately.  I am too the point of I am tired of hearing myself say I am crazy feeling.  Dad had another surgery yesterday to remove a tumor on his kidney. The doctor said surgery went well but still had to take about half of his kidney.  When dealing with a parent that you have had issues with over the years and knowing that life is short, there are many mind numbing ideas, stress and problems you think about.  And to be honest my brain is just plain tired.  My emotions are on edge which drives me crazy because I like to be in control of these.  I work hard at being the correct southern woman. But yesterday I snapped at little.  My step mom said something to me that hurt my feelings and that is pretty hard to do, and I ran my mouth back at her.  My sister told me to let it go, my husband told me what did I expect and there in lies the problem.  What she said I have always known but when it comes out of the mouth it really puts it where it belongs.  So once again I am at a point in life of figuring out where I belong on these family issues. I am one who just expects people to do the right thing, I try to so that is what I expect. I always try to have hope that others will change, but as Leigh Anne & Joey put it last night, they seem to think I have wasted hope. Which made me even sadder than I already was. My immediate family has no clue to my feelings, they can't understand because not a single one of them has been neglected by a parent. My sister likes to just tuck it away and not deal with it. And then there is me, I like for things to be fixed.  I like for things to be in order.  I like to have all my cards on table and deal with it.  Then I am told to let it go, just not worry about it, get out of that bad mood, things are not going to change so quit trying to fix it.  To say that my Christian attitude was is check yesterday is a understatement.I did have some self control, or I would have ripped my step moms head off. I did use self control when I wanted to cuss like a sailor and Harper was in the car and she said "who you talking to mam-maw"  But I didn't have self-control with my thoughts because I sat and thought of all the mean things I could say but didn't.  Life is a bowl full of cherries sometimes but there are also a few rotten ones in there too.