Lets just say

Lets just say that Saturday night at mom's house was a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I intentionally arrived 15 min. late so that my sister would be there and wouldn't you know she was 30 min. late. So I walk in and don't know hardly anybody at the house. I cried immediately. I went and sat on the front porch till she came, and still couldn't get it together.  My stepdads girlfriend asked me if she had done anything and I just smiled and weepy eyed said no. My sister and I just sat in the den surround by people working in moms kitchen walking around moms house and I realized at that moment it wasn't moms house any longer. I realized at that moment that I haven't because of all the mess the last year  really  had time to grieve the loss of my mom. So to say that it has kicked in is a understatement. I dreamed of her that night and woke up in tears. So I called Pops and told him we need to talk, I thought it would be just me and him but he brought Vicki, Leigh Anne told me she might be coming so I prayed all day Monday that I would handle the situation  carefully.
It went really well, Praise the Lord, it was stressful and we all cried a little and laughed a little but I think we worked through a few things.  It isn't ever going to be the same and I know that, with change it is what it is and our house saying goes "put on your big girl panties and deal with it". So Leigh Anne and I are heading out to the house in the next couple weeks to start dealing with it.