Lets just say

Lets just say that Saturday night at mom's house was a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I intentionally arrived 15 min. late so that my sister would be there and wouldn't you know she was 30 min. late. So I walk in and don't know hardly anybody at the house. I cried immediately. I went and sat on the front porch till she came, and still couldn't get it together.  My stepdads girlfriend asked me if she had done anything and I just smiled and weepy eyed said no. My sister and I just sat in the den surround by people working in moms kitchen walking around moms house and I realized at that moment it wasn't moms house any longer. I realized at that moment that I haven't because of all the mess the last year  really  had time to grieve the loss of my mom. So to say that it has kicked in is a understatement. I dreamed of her that night and woke up in tears. So I called Pops and told him we need to talk, I thought it would be just me and him but he brought Vicki, Leigh Anne told me she might be coming so I prayed all day Monday that I would handle the situation  carefully.
It went really well, Praise the Lord, it was stressful and we all cried a little and laughed a little but I think we worked through a few things.  It isn't ever going to be the same and I know that, with change it is what it is and our house saying goes "put on your big girl panties and deal with it". So Leigh Anne and I are heading out to the house in the next couple weeks to start dealing with it.

Fall Days

Harper & Gavin (Aunt Sis's great grandson) of course she was telling him how to drive 

Beautiful fall day at Tanglewood

She stood still for a minute I had to snap quick.

This week has been beautiful, we have had such fun playing outside the last couple days. This truly is my favorite time of year, I love all the colors, the sunset are beautiful and the few sunrises I have seen have been great too.  "This is the day the Lord has made let us rejoice and be happy in it"

Changes

It has been a long time since my last post, I think that my words should be few lately. I am pondering life, the busyness of it all, what really matters, what things are really important, and what things I waste time on. The smile and sweet innocent song of a granddaughter, the thoughtfulness of a friends call, the beauty of Gods creation especially in this season, the laughter of my family, these are things that are important and really matter. It has been a year and half since my mom died suddenly and with that it seems that she just disappeared. Life changed dramatically for me, my daily phone calls to her about important things and sometimes absolutely nothing suddenly stopped. All Holidays changed, her house has had dramatic changes and I have not been there since last Christmas. I will go there this weekend and I have no clue to how I will feel about it. I told my sister-in-law yesterday that when mom died its as if that was the end of her memory because we have not really done anything with her stuff, we got rid of her clothes and her craft supplies but we have not been back since and now someone else lives there and I am confused on how to handle it. That is why I have been trying decide what really matters in life. What is really important and what are my choices in all this. When children of divorce are at these stages in life it puts things in such different perspectives than when both of your parents are together until death, Andrea said that it has been hard enough  just going through all her moms stuff, that it was only her and her brother to figure it out helped , put in a step-parent and step-siblings and that throws a whole other kink in things. As Christians we are suppose to try and handle things differently than the world, so as I go through these next steps in life I do pray to handle them with grace and mercy, its not my strong suit... So I will need prayer...